Money

Ya. Seriously.

It's now 10:00pm on a Saturday night, and after enjoying the first truly sunny day of 2011 outside, in my favorite locale, 'The Junction/High Park'. I just spent the last few hours poking around my various bank accounts and freaking out. Optimistic people call what I was doing, "financial planning".

This is the kitchen. The bulldog does not belong to me. Yes, I forgot to photograph the front of the house. I'll get to that.

That got me to remembering that there have been requests for pictures, and also a lot of "WTF?! Why?" questions. So this post should answer both the public's need to know the square footage of the debt I will be plowing money into for the next 30 years, and the reason I decided to yoke myself to the beautiful city of Toronto and it's divisive property tax rate.

One side of the living dining room. I am not a good photographer. You don't have to tell me.

First a hilarious little story:

Today I went for drinks at Axis, up the street from my apartment. My friend and I were sitting on the patio and struck up a conversation with the couple next to us. Turns out the lady owned a house not far from my new place, so I told her I had just purchased nearby. She asked where and I began describing the main intersection.

After a minute her boyfriend cuts in and says you didn't just buy 42 P..? (I am not listing my address for obvious internet safety reasons, and also because I don't yet own the property.) I replied: "Oh my god yes. Why? What's wrong with it? Is it bed bugged? Oh shit, tell me, tell me please..!" Because owning property makes you crazy like that. He replied: "No, no nothing like that." Then he whispered, "I used to date the woman who owns the house."

That's right. I had the pleasure of meeting a random stranger who has performed coitus in my new house.

Oh man, I just woke up. This is not going to be good writing. Just FYI.

I am going to try to extend the Ashley Madison bit I was doing a month ago. I'll need some help to round out my list though, so please read on.

Avid Life owners of Ashley Madison wanted to run an ad campaign on the TTC using streetcars that read, "“Life is short. Have an affair”. Sadly the TTC said no, and I could work to insert a joke about how maybe a scintillating ad or two would wake up sleepy employees, but I won't oh maybe I just did.

Anyways, fresh from that controversy, the company would like to now, take Ashley Madison public and list it on the TSE (Toronto Stock Exchange).

I would *so* love to demonstrate my faith in infidelity, by helping Ashley Madison become blue chip stock. Then again, the company doesn't need my help, adultery is no fad, it's going to be around for a long time, as long as there's marriage right?

The part that really cracks me up is when the author discusses the TSE's reluctance to list Ashley Madison for biblical reasons:

"Even Bay Street, with its well-documented zeal for any money-making idea, is struggling with the idea of backing a company premised on breaking one of the Ten Commandments."

Here are the 10 commandments and a list of the associated publicly traded industries that could perhaps anger Yahweh. I feel like my list could be longer, and there are a few commandments that I couldn't think of industries for, so if you have any suggestions leave them in comments, thanks.

1. : 'Thou shall have no other gods before Me.'

The entertainment industry

2. : 'Thou shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness
of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth
beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.'

Home movies, photography etc, Kodak, Nikon etc.. Basically any authoring tools, so I guess this section would have to include both Microsoft and Apple, and maybe Facebook, Myspace, Flickr etc.. since that's where we all post our graven images on a daily basis.

3. : 'Thou shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.'

Did I say entertainment industry already? Internet and self-publishing ventures.

4. 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.'

Any business that is open Saturday or Sunday. Any business that offers customer support 24/7. Hydro-electric companies that produce the electricity we use to power our homes on the day of rest, those bastards.

5. 'Honor your father and your mother.'

To be honest I am not sure about this one. Comments and suggestions are welcome.

6. 'Thou shall not murder.'

The Military-industrial complex

7. 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'

Ashley Madison would go nicely here

8. 'Thou shall not steal.'

Currency exchanges. Buying debt. Again, someone more familiar with the language of high finance could probably throw in a few terms here.

9. 'Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.'

Traditional media, especially Fox News Network

10.' Thou shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not
covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his
female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything
that is your neighbor's.'

Again, I need help with this one, also I need to go to work, so coments once again, are welcome

goodbye and god bless, and thanks for your help.

So one thing I have been doing since moving is trying to learn slowly and unwillingly some real financial management skills.

I figure what better time, then when I have no money, to learn how to pay off debt and save for the future. Although to be honest. The 'saving' part is going to be taking a backseat to the paying part for a little while I think.

One thing I have been doing is reading this book called "Smart Cookies" about a group of young women who started a 'money club' in order to learn some financial literacy.

The book itself is a bit of an 'lets appeal to the broadest audience possible by saying the obvious' but the idea is good one, and a lot of the websites they recommend are really useful. Useful in the way that I wonder how I managed to live my financial life up to this point depending on the Excel calculate function and some inspired "balance transfers".

Take for example Bank Rate's Minimum Payment Calculator The idea here is that you enter all your credit card info and then find out how long you will actually spend paying down the balance, if you only pay the minimum.

There is a second option beneath the minimum that lets you enter the amount you could pay above the minimum.

Since I am a bit broke a bit, I only entered 10 dollars above the minimum and that is how I made the pleasant discovery that paying a mere 10 bucks above the minimum halves the amount of interest you pay, and cuts down your payment time by more then half.

I know everyone probably knows this already but if you don't then huddle in. 'cause this shit is crazy!