Winter biking

Memory Tapes - Bicycle

This is the 3rd or 4th track by these guys that I have loved on Hype M. So I think I should go buy the album. I wish I could find Happy Cycling by Boards of Canada then my day would be complete.

Boards of Canada - happy Cycling

Update:Thank you Erin for the track, and thank you windchill for not attacking me this evening on the way home. I swear that was almost pleasant, I think the wind must have been at my back.

Update 2:Speaking of wind at my back, and trying to change behaviours learned slowly over time, (read on...) check out this lovely quote from Underworld that I have now read about 5 times since writing it in my little bedside quote writing book.

The poets of the desert nations told stories about the wind. It bucks and swirls and turns you around and knocks you flat. But it also speaks so softly only your inner spirit can hear it and this is how you correct your path.

earlier today

I decided to try winter-cycling again this year. For the first time since I was 23. I am hoping it will toughen me up. I know, first the weight-lifting then the scooting around in sub-zero weather letting my ears turn into frozen pink head nuggets. What is going on?

I'll tell you, I am still having that anger problem. Ie; I don't get angry, I get sad. I am not trying to fly off the handle here, I just want to stand up for myself. I hope if I challenge myself physically maybe I will also develop some emotional stamina, almost reflexively. I know I feel things in my gut so if I have a physical 6-pack maybe I'll have an emotional one as well.

Yesterday evening I heard my landlord (who lives on the first floor) banging around and shouting to wake the dead. I quickly walked downstairs holding my dinner, a bowl of spaghetti in my hands.

My landlord looked up at me from the lobby and shouted.

"It's fucking DISGUSTING THAT"S WHAT IT IS. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!"

I said; "I don't know what you're talking about"

"CAN't YOU SMELL IT. IT"S STINKS."

I replied: " I'm sorry, I can't smell anything"

"BLOODY GARLIC! THIS WHOLE HOUSE REEKS OF GARLIC BLOODY DISGUSTING"

"I'm just making pasta"

"WELL TURN THE FUCKING FAN ON FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"

I left the house almost in tears, and walked over to Evan and Daniella's where I knew my brother was cleaning out the basement.

He gave me a big hug and I proceeded to cry and shake.

I have got to learn to stand up for myself during situations such as these. Not that they should ever happen. But really, I genuinely don't get angry I get shit-scared and then I get sad.

Not good.