And you thought I was just being a mega-bitch

Turns out that wasn't just my period. It was me, thoughtlessly wasting "hundred of millions" of stem-cells. Menstral stem-cells, I could have been cryogenically preserving. Why preserve stem-cells? Well, to use in extending my life, and the life of those that are genetically similar to me (although apparently without the foresight to save their own cryogenically frozen stem-cells, the fools).Or at least that's what the company C'elle, (Pronounced C'iele in a posh pseudo English accent) wants me to believe.

Aside from the way they wildly stretched the woman in the flash video's torso and then used the stem-cells-eye view camera (I didn't realize that all the floating text in my womb is in Arial, what a surprise!) to show me just how many cells I wantonly soak into an OB tampon every month, I found the whole concept pretty enticing.

I mean, listen to how bold they are in marketing the annual plan:

You are presently at the very peak of your well-being but your youth won't last forever! Diseases in life that seem a long way off today, such as heart disease, osteoporosis, diseases of the nervous system, may strike at anytime. Collecting and preserving your C'elle menstrual stem cells today, may pay major dividends towards protecting your future health later in life. Actually, the healthier you are when your cells are collected and preserved, the more viable the cell may be for future use.

Jeebus, what if my menses are already on the outs? I mean, I'm 31! I should start staking out some territoire in the cryo-fridge today.

Also I didn't realize my period was actually called "C'elle Menstral Stem Cells". I hope this isn't one of those weird things where I will have to refer to my period as my "C'elles" from now on, because no one bothered to patent "I've got my period" and now I could get sued just for whining.

But back to the original point: The good people at C'elles make it sound so easy to easy to freeze my curse:

Upon ordering, you'll receive an attractive, discreet C'elle collection kit by FedEx delivery. Inside, you'll find everything needed for you to collect and send your C'elle menstrual stem cells for processing and preservation, including a menstrual cup, collection tubes, prepaid FedEx airbill for return shipment to Cryo-Cell, and comprehensive instructions for use.

Yes it's time for the joke: "There's gold in them thar playtex boys, let's go get it!" What was the name of that Daniel Day Lewis movie, oh yeah "There Will be Blood,". Hells yes and plenty of it,can you imagine charging money to collect something that used to cause no more excitement than the "It happened to me" column in Sassy magazine?

How much would I be paying you ask, for the security of knowing that I have my very own stockpile of cutting edge genetic material on-ice should the need arise? A mere $699 for the first year and $99 bucks storage every year after that. The site is unclear about how much of my menses I should be saving in order to get maximum value.

I can just see it now, right next to Walt Disney's frozen noggin, a little cardboard box full of vials of my frozen would-be offspring. Forget relying on our health care system, I am taking matters into my own hands and freezing my aunty flo.