I have watched this movie 4 times since yesterday afternoon. I want to write out what it brings to mind.

I love this movie so much that if I could package it up and send it to everyone in the world as well-intentioned junk mail I totally would.

There are well-intentioned remarks, "If you stop looking you'll find someone". "You're probably just not really looking for a relationship, because if you were, you'd find one." Designed for the chronically single. I even tell them to myself, when I come home at night and wish that there were more then just my shoes in the closet.

But those statements don't really express what I feel about "lonely". This movie comes closer to describing what I have been trying to do in a "personal growth" (gag me) way for the past, I don't even know how many years, then anything ever has.

Maybe this story started when my mom died, maybe it started when I was 16 and had my first 'real' relationship.

I put Lola down a few weeks ago.

I thought that after I did I would have this craving to write a blog entry about her, or about the experience of putting her down, but I haven't had any such craving.

It's strange because the lead-up was so intense, so troubling, as close to a moral crisis as I've ever experienced, and maybe my hesitance is because I don't think I can do justice to all the different feelings and thoughts I had in the months leading up to the decision.

She was one of the most wonderful creatures I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, but she was also bound up with painful memories about my family, and uncomfortable memories about my behavior when I was a young adult and a teenager.

So I had a disagreement with a writer I respect on Twitter today.

We argued if you can believe it, about the Bryant story and about something I posted on Twitter regarding that case.

I had tweeted: "So the precedent we are setting here in Ontario is pro-vigilantism? So I can go tell that to some battered women right?"

And the writer replied: "your battered woman analogy is SO inappropriate."

I am a harsh critic of my work as far as the stand-up habit is concerned. So while you might think I have let that activity lapse the opposite is true, I have been working as hard as ever, it's just that I think most of my sets are kind of crappy when I review them at home.

Last week however, I finally did a set that I think hit all the bases. It was funny, quick, in time and on topic. Yay!

Let me know what you think:

Comedy Brawl Gauntlet set from Miriam Verburg on Vimeo.

As far as the rest of my life is concerned, things are okay.

By okay I mean, not exactly as I would like them to be, but I am learning some interesting new life lessons that I think are going to serve me well in the future.

I know I am being cryptic aren't I, well fuck alls y'alls I am not writing a relationship blog am I?